Compatibility is defined as: a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. Words that you can associate with compatibility are, like-mindedness, similarity, affinity, closeness, fellow feeling, harmony,rapport, empathy, sympathy.
The intensity and excitement of getting to know someone will eventually shift into comfort and routine ways of being. This is not a bad thing, just the process of forming bonds. These shifts happen as the relationship evolves and it thrives when compatibility and willingness is present.
In this blog post, we share some thoughts on compatibility and the seasons that relationships move through.
1. Awareness of self.
This important first stance will make a difference on the pace and quality of our relationships.
It is often easy to believe that we know what we want from another and yet be conflicted with things within ourself. Certain expectations can stem from many unresolved places. The level awareness we have over our thoughts and feelings can make such a difference in how we interact with others.
Constant mindfulness allows our genuine selves to come through. If we are not genuine, the compatibility we seek with others can easily turn into complicated situations. Everything starts and ends with you.
2. Interests, beliefs, values & lifestyle
The vitality of a relationship relies partly on the compatibility of interests, beliefs, values and lifestyle. For example, if your religion is important to you, it's good to know if you can share it with your partner. For some, a difference in interests can be worked through, while with others it may be a deal breaker.
In the situation of conflicting interests, a level of respect still needs to be present, so a resolution can arise.
Undeniably, we all want a partner that we can share the things that make us excited about life. However, it is rare to find just ONE person that agrees 100% with EVERYTHING. A mutual understanding and respect for another is part of compatibility.
Additionally, core beliefs and lifestyle choices need to work for BOTH people so a question to ask another is: "How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, family, spouse, friends, hobbies?"
3. Communication, trust & romance
Yes this may sound cliche, but communication is key. Expressing the things that are important to us, with the safety of it being received, makes a world of difference in our relationships. The balance between speaking and listening allows compatibility to deepen our understanding of each other. Something to ask would be: "What is the best way for me to communicate my difficult feelings about you so that you will not get offended?"
"On the topic of trust..." which can be a touchy subject - it's helpful to be clear on what your understanding of trust is. You may discover you and your partner may be on different ends of the spectrum.
Be mindful of assumptive thinking and aim to be open in asking something like: "Is trust automatic until something occurs which takes it away, or does it evolve over time?" Clarifying these things, makes a difference in the quality of our commitments to another.
Romance is such an important aspect in keeping the energy going in our relationships. The expression of affection and love to each other is where similar interests can shine. Whether it's a common affinity for food, music, hobbies or conversation - compatibility can make those experiences all the more amazing. Romance can boil down to this question: "What is the best way for me to show you that I love you?"
What are your thoughts and/or experiences on compatibility? Feel free to comment on the post.
This post was done in collaboration with Rosey Gonzales